How to Live a Free and Purposeful Life by Letting Go of What Holds You Back

Recently, I spent time with my eldest daughter, her husband, and her in-laws. We had a wonderful time at the beach. When I think of her, I feel a mixture of love, joy, gratitude, and a little sadness because she has given her heart to her husband, as it should be. She has grown up, created her life the way she wants, and expanded her circle of loving and supportive friends. 

I knew I had to let go of each of my children and let them discover themselves, their purpose, and why they were here. As any parent knows, it is a difficult process that began when they were in their teens. I had my dreams for them, and even though I believed I knew what was best for them, I had to let them try the things they felt called to do and make their own mistakes. I had to let go of what I thought they should or shouldn't do. After all, they were on loan to me from God. I could advise and give direction, but I also had to honor the fact that they had their own unique destiny. I knew that once I gave them roots, I had to support them to find who they were, separate from my husband and myself, and to do what they were called to do. When I say I had to let go, I mean I didn’t push them, try to control or hover, but allowed them the space to find themselves. 

Saying goodbye to my daughter when we head home always puts a deeper crack in my heart because that bond is always there, that mother's love and I miss her.

My daughter is caring, thoughtful, funny, and creative. As we hugged before I left on the train, I covered my sadness well; I would never put pressure or a guilt trip on her. I let her go to flourish and bring to others the joy she brings to me. I encourage her to fly.

To Live Life Fully is a Continuous Letting Go Process

Letting go is an everyday thing. Perhaps it’s letting go of one dream you thought would work out but didn't, and if you let it go, there is something even better for you around the corner. It might be letting go of the frustration of being unable to do physical activities at the level that you could once do. Perhaps it's letting go of expectations of relationships you thought would work out but didn’t. Or letting go of business or career dreams that weren’t meant to be and that you have to move on from. There is a long list of things we can let go of; that's why I encourage making it a daily practice. Here are a few more:

• Holding a grudge, not wanting to forgive (this could be a red flag that you need to do some healing on the issue if you have tried to forgive but are still feeling anger, hurt, and resentment).
• Limiting Beliefs
• Clutter, either emotional or physical clutter
• Past Mistakes
• Negative Habits
• Guilt

There’s grief in letting go. It’s like shedding skin. Letting go means surrendering what you expected for what is.

The reality of what is.

We want what we want when we want it. However, not getting what we want isn’t always a bad thing. Not getting what we want hones and refines us, allowing us to be better people, people of character, wisdom, and depth. Letting go and surrendering is an integral part of allowing something better into our lives.

Journaling can help the Letting Go Process

Journaling is a valuable tool for gaining self-awareness and a broader understanding of yourself. 

I've given you a few journaling questions and prompts below that may help you to let go. Take 10 - 20 minutes (or as long as you need) to meditate and write your answers to the questions. You could put inspiring or meditative music on in the background or do whatever makes you feel more relaxed. Some people find it helps to use their non-dominant hand. Journaling, like anything else, is a skill, and you become more facile over time. Just do the best you can and persevere. 

• Make a list of the things you might struggle to let go of. 
• If you could let go of one of those things, what might be better to replace what you're letting go of? What would you like it to be? How would that make you feel?

Write that out in a few paragraphs or more. Don't limit yourself, but allow the flow of consciousness through your pen without editing. Be willing to dream and to be surprised by what might come through your pen. Ensure you have a journal or exercise book that is easy to write on, and the same for the pen. A pen that flows easily is best. Try not to judge anything you've written, leaving all negativity aside. Use your imagination, feel the feelings, and see how what you write would look and feel. If you have trouble letting go and allowing yourself to dream, try EFT-Tapping. It helps you to let go, as it calms the stress response, allowing your body and mind to relax.

• As you choose that one thing on your list and write about it, work on letting it go. If you get stuck, try surrendering that issue to your higher power (whatever you call that higher loving presence, it could be the Light or God). If that is too difficult and you find you're not getting anywhere, try EFT first and then go back to journaling again. There are tapping scripts in the EFT section on my website for anxiety that you could use to help you get unstuck. 
• In the letting go process, you can also ask for your higher power's insights and wisdom. It could simply be that small, still inner voice that you discern in a quiet, meditative space. For some, it can be challenging to begin; try imagining walking with someone you love, respect, and feel safe with. As you talk and ask questions, there is a back-and-forth flow of conversation. It is the same with God (your higher power, source, or inner light). This divine presence wants the best for you, loves you unconditionally, and loves to spend time with you. It's okay to express yourself fully; there is no judgment, and insights and healing can occur. You are accepted and loved no matter what. It's okay to be angry, sad, or frustrated. Whatever you are feeling and need to express is okay. Throw out perfectionism and any editing or judgments. Just be yourself; you are already accepted and loved the way you are, even if your feelings seem difficult. Practice this process for one to two weeks, daily if you can.
• You could ask God. What do you say about me? Then, start journaling with whatever pops into your mind. Remember, anything coming from this loving presence is always positive and encouraging. If it isn't, you know you are not hearing from God.
• A great resource to check out if you want to learn more about journaling is IAJW at: https://iajw.org/

EFT-Tapping and IFS help you in Letting Go

EFT-Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques) can help you to let go because the opposite of letting go is holding on. We hold on and try to control our lives because of fear. EFT can help you calm fear by releasing the stress response and the fight, flight and freeze response in the body. It will help you get unstuck. You might be angry at someone, your situation, or even God for many reasons. I understand, and EFT can help you work that out. Anger and resentment are valid emotions and not necessarily "bad." They point us to an underlying issue and allow us to heal that root problem and the negative beliefs attached. Holding on to those emotions only causes sickness in your body and mind. I don't think any of us want that. Here is more about EFT-Tapping: https://www.gailmae.com/eft

IFS (Internal Family Systems) is a therapeutic modality I also use to help clients in the letting go process. IFS is based on the view that our mind comprises relatively discrete subpersonalities, each with its unique viewpoint and qualities. Journaling can help you through these different parts of yourself with their often conflicted feelings to gain more acceptance, understanding, and compassion for yourself. More about IFS: https://www.gailmae.com/internal-family-systems

The more self-acceptance and self-awareness we have, the easier it is to let go. It's a constant process and worth it because your peace of mind is invaluable. That process of never giving up - while letting go of what keeps us stuck is the mettle you need for a successful, well-lived life. Letting go will open the door for new and greater possibilities within you and for you.

Letting go of those things we cannot control gives you freedom and peace. In letting go and surrendering to God, you allow God to take care of those people and events you don't have control of. It is freeing - God wants to share our burdens and comforts us in letting go. 

Here is a Prayer of Surrender if you'd like some help with letting go:

Prayer-of-Surrender

Reach out to me if you need support with any of the above. I offer complimentary 20-minute consultations; click on this link Book a Call. I am happy to chat and see if I can help you. I hope you will experience the same freedom I have received in letting go.

Love always,