Why Change Is Hard and The Steps You Need To Make It Easier

When things are not working in our lives, and we realize we must make changes, it can be challenging on multiple levels. Perhaps we need to get out of a destructive relationship or job, or we are repeating negative patterns that damage our mental or physical health. We get frustrated with ourselves because we either don't know how to implement the change, or we try and fail repeatedly. Here are some reasons why you may be struggling, along with some pointers for achieving change. 

Several Reasons Why Change Is Difficult 

• The brain is biologically wired for survival, and it favors familiarity and routine. We repeat behaviors that once helped us cope or succeed, even if those patterns are no longer effective. These behaviors and habits have established neural pathways, reinforcing a sense of safety, even when our current situation isn't ideal. Change, by contrast, involves the formation of new neural connections, a process that requires sustained effort, neuroplasticity, and patience.

• We hold beliefs about what is possible, which may have been imprinted in our subconscious minds early in life or passed down through generations. If we try to change, we find ourselves sabotaging and procrastinating.

• Trauma can hold us back from pursuing change or following our dreams, especially if we were once verbally or physically attacked for doing so. Staying the same feels safer — change feels too risky.

• There’s often a fear that making changes or stepping into a new version of yourself could lead to losing the people you love — especially when they expect you to show up in a certain way.

• Fear of the unknown. There is a natural anxiety that comes with uncertainty. There are no guarantees, and the ambiguity can feel threatening — even when your current situation isn't ideal.

Ways To Affect Change

1. Firstly, to manifest change, you must believe it’s possible.
2. To know that anything worthwhile is often hard - but worth it.
3. Openness to learning new things — consider this a new adventure; you will be richer for the experience.
4. Patience with yourself as you persevere with small and consistent steps forward.
5. Willingness to keep going when you are plateauing.
6. Practice gratitude for your steps, no matter how small, and celebrate your progress.
7. Find knowledgeable and encouraging support for your efforts of change.
8. Surround yourself with others who inspire you and show you by example what’s possible.
9. I recommend starting in small but consistent increments.
10. Explore ways to deepen your connection with your higher power — you are here for a divine purpose, not to seek approval from others but to live in alignment with your true calling.

Cultivating Positive Habits

Hal Elrod, author of Miracle Mornings, developed his method of practicing positive habits for change called S.A.V.E.R.S. The acronym stands for SILENCE * AFFIRMATIONS * VISUALIZATION * EXERCISE * READ * SCRIBE.

That's 10 minutes of silence, 10 minutes of affirmations, 10 minutes of Visualization, 10 minutes of exercise, 10 minutes of Reading, and 10 minutes of Scribing (Writing). The goal is to carve out an hour to invest in yourself and start your morning off positively and productively. I believe the short time required for each task makes it attainable to most people. Change can be overwhelming to some, but an hour is not a daunting proposition. It is the daily consistent habit that cultivates change. He suggests challenging yourself for 30 days. Before you know it, it will become a habit, and you will feel more confident about achieving other goals.

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James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says:

The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the person you believe you are (consciously or subconsciously).

You must start believing new things about yourself to change your behavior for good. You need to build identity-based habits.

Changing your beliefs isn’t nearly as complicated as you might think. There are two steps.

1. Decide the type of person you want to be.
2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.

Your identity emerges out of your habits. Every action is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

You May Need Healing if You Get Stuck

Change is challenging, even though I believe what James Clear says to be true. I know from experience that if you find yourself still stuck during any of the stages on the Change Curve, unresolved trauma or subconscious beliefs may be holding you back — often as a way of trying to keep you safe. I invite you to reach out. I help people uncover and heal the parts of themselves that need to feel safe to move forward, create meaningful change, and fully step into their potential.

Love,